By Karin Quimby
Sunday, November 16, 2008

The vote on Proposition 8, which eliminated the civil right to marry for gay and lesbian couples in California, was a crushing, disgraceful vote. The moment I learned of the outcome, I felt like my home had fallen down on top of me. And atop my crumpled house and my shattered self sat self-righteous religious folks pleased that they had managed to crush me and my people. They have “saved” marriage for themselves, for the time being. They have confirmed that they are ignorant at best, or at worst, claim the authority to judge. They have contributed to what will one day be remembered as a shameful chapter in American history.

I wrote before the election that we need to talk to one another, to share our personal stories, to recognize how we are all human beings doing the best we can to live and love. I was heartened by the mothers and fathers of gay and lesbian children who showed up at our phone banks to share their stories with prospective voters. I was moved by the straight women and men who likewise volunteered because they want their children to grow up in a world where everyone is treated equally.

I have spent years consciously developing relationships with many people from many faiths to live out the call to love one another. I was, therefore, not prepared for the inhospitable venom that was spewed at me during the campaign and in the final vote, all in the name of “religious freedom.” When I heard “pervert” shouted at me, or listened to those on the phone tell me that God condemns homosexuals, such attacks felt very, very personal, while, at the same time, they were used to limit the civil rights of an entire group of people.

After this campaign, I now have to wonder who in my neighborhood, my workplace, my family, my church, my exercise class, or the grocery store line voted to eliminate my civil rights and on what basis they decided to do so? Were they afraid that their children would be taught that gays and lesbians have families and children and are human beings, too? Were they concerned that they would not be able to condemn homosexuals in their church? Or were they worried that heterosexual families are crumbling and need to blame it on someone other than themselves?

I have to wonder, do these people really not recognize my full personhood? Do they consider me an abomination? Do they think they are more deserving of civil rights than I am?

These are just some of the questions that I and my dear, wonderful friends and family are asking as we pick ourselves up off the floor and decide how to proceed, after this appalling public humiliation that dealt a crushing blow to our belief in the value of equality.

I know we have a lot of work to do to help people realize that gay and lesbian people are fully human — no better and no worse than heterosexuals — after centuries of religious teachings that would seem to tell us otherwise. That is why I am so grateful for the religious people in my life — evangelicals, Baptists, Mormons, Episcopalians, Catholics, Methodists, Lutherans, United Church of Christ, Unitarians, Muslims, Jews, Buddhists and many others who are spiritual, but not religious, and still others who want nothing to do with religion — all of whom truly, deeply, completely accept me and love me for who I am.

They are the ones who are helping us rebuild our fallen homes and who offer words of comfort to heal our hurt, battered selves. They walk with us and hold us up as we find our way through the wilderness of this “new America” that has voted to exclude us. I know the path will be long, and it certainly is painful, but, in the end, there will be reconciliation.

— Karin Quimby, Ph.D., of Ojai, is co-chairwoman of the No on Proposition 8 Campaign, Ventura County.